Punzel's Private Journal

December the 17th, and a Sunday

Today Watchman Zero and ser Sinistrelle did meet with Lord Chamberlain Launfal, and did arrange the time of my duel with ser Starke ... it is to occur on Wednesday, December 20, at 8 bells, in the Practice Room. I am nervous, and wish I could get more training, but all are so busy. I may again seek sera Catharsis tomorrow, for she too does train, for her knighthood quest.

Today I did also speak at some length with Katherine, ser Cedric, sera Edanya, and Martel, about my concerns about joining the Duelists. I think I am currently going to continue to plan to seek membership, but must talk seriously with sera Edanya and any other potential oath-mates about my goal of following Martel to the Inner Bailey.

This eve was also a most chaotic Awakeners' meeting. I have been working much lately on materials to help the Newly Awakened, and also of course guiding Newly Awakened I encounter in the castle. I have met so many very nice Newly Awakened in recent days ... it does my heart good, and cheers me in my task. Tomorrow eve I will present my first etiquette lecture for Newly Awakened, and I hope it will be well-attended.

December the 18th, and a Monday

Today I did give an etiquette lecture, which had quite a good turn-out, despite the fact that all of the signs informing of it were stolen. Some newly awakened were present (sers Kyle, Drath, Karnichorne, and Joorthan), some fairly recently awakened (seras Helena and Linnet, and ser Jayland), and even some more experienced castle guests (sera Kiera, ser Robert, Watchman Zero, and even my uncle Lobo for a short time, though I know he came only to see the sera Linnet). I know that others also were present, but I remember best those who spoke most often. I consider it quite a successful experiment! I would like to offer these lectures at least once a week, but the coming two weeks are so disorganized that it may have to wait until January.

Earlier in the day, I did spar for a while with sera Catharsis, training simultaneously for my duel and for her knighthood quest. We found ourselves continually evenly matched, and stopped at 7 wins each. It was most odd. Over the past week or so, I have grown to know sera Catharsis better, and I hope we shall continue to become better friends, for I much enjoy her company.

And, speaking of new friends, I did also speak some little while today with ser Benedict, and found our conversation most enjoyable. He is an interesting person, and entertaining to talk with ... I look forward to getting to know him better.

I did also, of course, spend time with Martel today, for we have been seeing much of each other recently. After my lecture, we did spend private time together, as we plan to do each Monday eve, though this time we did but spar and talk. He is concerned that I seek a place in the Inner Bailey purely to be with him, and not for independent reasons of my own, and I have tried to explain to him that I do follow my own path, but would like to prevent it from diverging from his own. I think there is nothing wrong with considering his goals also when I do consider my own. We are not betrothed, but I hope that someday we may be -- though I would not say so to him, for so many in this place do commit to wed so hastily -- and so I would not have us be separated. If I had to choose between his goals and my own, it would be different ... but I think that is not the case.

And recently I have begun working on poetry again, which is a great relief to me. I have been writing notes for a poem about the Inner Bailey, mayhap specifically about the Winter Ball, but the piece is not yet very well developed. I will endeavor to take time out from my Awakener duties occasionally in order to work on my poems, for a rosette is also a responsibility. And I know it would please my sister Katherine, as she does lead the Poets' Brotherhood.

December the 19th, and a Tuesday

Tomorrow is my duel with ser Starke, and I have seen him but very little since the challenge was issued and accepted. I have practiced much, and hope that I am ready, but I must admit that I am very nervous. In recent days, I have debated with ser Cedric, Martel, and others about the true nature of the duel, and it has made my anxiety only more accute. As I understand it, ser Cedric believes that supernatural forces intervene in a duel to guarantee that the contestant who is in the right will win. I do not see duels in this way, but knowing that others may view them so makes me increasingly nervous. If I lose tomorrow, will folk such as ser Cedric then think me without honor, since that was ser Starke's accusation against which I challenge him? Will they think it proven that I am wrong, and ser Starke right?

I have practiced all I can, I think, and tonight I will meet with Martel to try to relax so that I may sleep this eve. We plan to sit together near the fireplace in his room and talk, and I plan to suggest that we play my question game, for I think it may distract my nervous mind. He and I have played the game some little bit while sparring, but not as seriously as I have played it with other friends. I look forward to sitting with him, for I know it will calm me.

December the 21st, and a Thursday

Yesterday I did write no entry, and today I can write but little, for yestereve I was defeated in my duel with ser Starke, and he did deal me a blow to the side from which I now recover in Martel's room, where there is a fire for warmth, and where he has been most kind, as I can move little without much pain.

When I do not sleep, I find myself worrying much over this week's conversations with Cedric. I fear that my defeat in this duel has destroyed my honor as a swordswoman, that I can no longer pursue this path. I know not what the Duelists must think of me ... and fear for my friendship with Cedric, as I know I must now have lost his respect.

But sitting up has disturbed my wound. It throbs, and I must lie down again. I hope that Martel will return soon to give me news of the castle, and mayhap scrolls from my friends, and I hope also that I may be well enough tomorrow morn for visitors. I know that the Armsman and my uncle must be very worried, and Zero and Edanya as well. And I find myself fretting in my waking moments. I hope I will sleep again until Martel's return.

December the 22nd, and a Friday

Today Martel did bring some guests to visit with me, and I did speak with Duren and Harwood for some time, though I did stay in bed. I hope I did not offend them, clad as I was in only a clean chemise. I have not been able to tolerate clothing that presses near my waist, though I do hope to mayhap venture out some little bit tomorrow, though probably no further than the Sunshine Room, where I might lie on one of the couches for a change of scenery and -- I hope -- some conversation. (I must ask Martel to seek a gown for me ... or a robe, as I have seen some wear ... something which would not touch my waist and my bandage.)

So much does seem to happen in even this short time I have been sequestered. Martel tells me that sera Myalia is returned, but plans not to seek the sword path ... and that Zero is at risk of being expelled from the Winter Watch. Both of these pieces of information do surprise me greatly, and I hope to learn more and visit with my friends tomorrow. I am concerned, not only for the Newly Awakened I cannot help while in my current state, but also for the friends who might seek me. But now I am much fatigued, and must rest. I hope to feel stronger in the morn.