Punzel's Private Journal

November the 12th

Today I did still not see Martel. It is very unlike him to stay in his room for so long, and I grow more concerned with every day. I know not what to do. I do hope that I may speak with Sera Faer in the morn, though she too has been behaving so strangely that I know not whether to trust her judgment.

Last night I did think much on Watchman Philo's words of yesterday. I began to seriously question my decision to join the Duelists, wondering if I was better suited to a more peaceful path. I sought conference with Priestess Nadira, to ask her advice about seeking a path with better balance for myself.

In my conversation with her, however, I did realize that my primary reason for hesitating to join the Duelists was my fear that I would lose Watchman Philo's friendship. She did recommend that I speak with him, and afterward I did so at length. I know he does not approve of my path, but I hope that he does better understand me now.

And his words of yesterday do still haunt me. The Priestess Nadira spoke of some who do tread more than one path in order to achieve balance. I think that the Duelists alone will not give me the balance I need. I think that I must find another path as well ... the poetry has not been enough ... but mayhap greater study with the Priestess might satisfy my heart.

November the 13th

This morn I did speak with Seras Faer and Anabeth about Martel's strange behavior, followed by his prolonged absence. Sera Faer thinks that mayhap "the Whisperers" are to blame ... a group that she says does attempt to destroy the Duelists. She does fear that Martel has been attacked by the same people who she does believe framed Ser Edouard and harmed both Sera Arrion and Ser Brahm, who is apparently close to death.

I did find this idea most alarming, and know not what to do to help Martel, especially as he has not appeared in so many days. If he would but emerge from his room, I would feel better, just knowing how he is. If I could but see him ...

And so Sera Faer and I did speak most seriously of what must be done to defend Martel from this mysterious attack ... and to defend the Duelists Circle itself from treachery. I feel that I can trust no one. Even Faer herself seems dangerously unstable. And though I do trust Watchman Philo with all my heart, I do somehow feel that I cannot approach him about this matter.

Sera Anabeth was most calm and wise in her dealings with us, as both Sera Faer and I became very agitated during our conversation. Both of us have hearts intimately touched in this matter, and it is difficult to stay calm.

I do so long for Martel, and do feel selfish in that longing. I am concerned for him, but I also do grieve that I did have so little time with him before this crisis did occur. Am I to get but one kiss from his lips?

November the 14th

Again, Martel has not appeared. It has now been in excess of 4 days since he has been seen, since he left after his strange behavior. And today Sera Faer's odd behavior did seem to have escalated, as well. She does seem easily confused and distracted, and trembles alarmingly. I know that she does fear for Edouard, whom she does love most dearly, but I do fear also for her sanity.

I spoke briefly with Ser Robert and Sera Kiera, and they do not seem to be afflicted as of yet. Who will I turn to, if Martel is in trouble and the very mental health of the Duelists is under attack? Mayhap it is time to speak to the Watchman?

There are now more Watchmen inducted, and I do consider Watchman Zero a good friend, and do respect Watchman Artegal as well. I must admit that I do know Watchman Lucas but little, though Katherine did seem to enjoy his friendship.

But Watchman Philo will always be "the Watchman" in my mind, and he is the one in whom I would place my trust if I must speak of this. Even despite his own personal enmity toward Martel, and Zero's comparative acceptance of the Duelists ... if I have need of help, it is Watchman Philo to whom I will turn.

I hope it does not come to that, as I know not how he would react.

November the 15th

More than 5 days now since Martel has been seen, and today I did finally speak to a Watchman. But I could not find Watchman Philo, and did see Watchman Artegal near the Tailor's rooms this morn. He is a good man, and I do trust him, and he will someday be my sister's husband, and so I did speak with him. He did seem concerned, but did also seem to have some ideas about what happens here, though he would not speak his thoughts to me, until he does have more than conjecture to offer.

Mayhap Martel is ill in his room ... dying ... and none can reach him there because of the magical properties of our rooms. Can none seek him there, to ensure that he does not need help? Mayhap I should speak to Launfal Friday eve if Martel still has not appeared. At that time, it will have been a week.

Nay ... let his absence not last a full week! Let him return healthy tomorrow morn, and surprised that ever we did worry. Let him laugh, and chide me for my fears, and I will be happy to be chid. Just ... let him return!

November the 16th, and a Thursday

Martel has reappeared! After 6 days of absence, this eve he did walk into the Refectory most suddenly! He seems weak, and remembers nothing of the time that he was gone. It is most troubling.

And his behavior toward me was somewhat puzzling. He did smile at me, but did seem to treat me as he always has, as a good friend. When he felt a need to retire, he did ask me to walk with him to his room, where he did kiss me on the forehead before leaving. Ser Lobo kisses me on the forehead ... it is an avuncular behavior, I think. I felt somewhat hurt, I must admit. Does he see me as a sister, mayhap still as a child, as he did think me when I was in disguise?

I understand not his feelings for me, but it does seem that they are not as intense as my feelings for him. I shall not make any decisions hastily ... but he deserves to be with someone who lights a fire of passion in his heart ... and I deserve to be with someone who can feel that way for me. If his feelings for me are so tame ...

November the 17th, and a Friday

Today has been the happiest day of my life! I am afraid I did behave most giddily this eve, with Ser Harwood and Sera Avaria and Watchman Zero and Ser Lobo in the west courtyard. Harwood and I made snow angels, and I danced, and then in the Refectory Harwood did an impression of Sera Anastacia that caused me to laugh until tears sprang to my eyes. (He promises that he shall do an impression of me, someday. I hope it is not as embarrassing as the impression of Sera Anastacia!)

I did also speak with Sera Arrion and Ser Brahm, and I know that Martel will be so happy to see them both well and about. He has felt very lonely for his triad in their absence, and I know that this will do his heart much good.

Martel is returned, and he is well, and his heart is mine, and we did spend time alone this morn, and he did set my fears to rest ... for the first time since I awoke here, all does seem right with the world.

The only thing that does worry me is that I did speak this eve, in my giddiness, of Watchman Philo's memories of his wife. I think that it was to have been a secret, and I now worry terribly that I have betrayed his confidence. I must write him a scroll immediately.

November the 18th, and a Saturday

This eve did begin so happily ... I had spoken with the Watchman, and he was not angry with me for speaking of his wife, and then Martel was reunited with Sera Arrion and Ser Brahm, his triad complete again after so many long weeks. I was so happy, mere hours ago.

But then -- I was in the Seamstresses' room, helping some newly awakened to find shoes -- the night was rent by a horrible scream, and I experienced such a feeling of intense foreboding, that I excused myself and ran from the room. I felt that I must immediately find Martel, to ensure that he had not been harmed. I found him well, but tending to others who had collapsed, for they too had felt the emotional chill, and more intensely than I had myself.

The scream was Sera Duvessa's. Tonight she would have bound herself to the Sorceress, the Lady Serista, but my friend did not survive the ritual. I cannot write more of this tonight. Sera Elea has requested that I write a poem in memory of Duvessa, and I will do so when I am able, but tonight I can only weep for the loss of one of the boldest and merriest souls in the castle, and my uncle's new-found love.