Punzel's Private Journal

January the 28th, and a Sunday

A day of little import. I did practice the sword, and did offer help to several newly awakened, and did talk some little while with First Initiate Elea, and spent a relaxed afternoon with Martel. In the eve, I spoke with sera Chorus about our concern for Mintle ... she takes so many responsibilities upon herself, and seems so overwhelmed. I have worried much for her, and it appears that sera Chorus feels much the same.

I later spoke for nearly five bells with Mintle herself! We had a misunderstanding which did almost lead her to leave my service, but we did at last understand each other, and all is well. She did also advise me at length about those womanly powers which I have so often envied in others. I think that mayhap she and I have found each other in order that through our friendship we might both understand love more fully, in all its dimensions.

January the 29th, and a Monday

I found myself today, despite many attempts, unable to put Mintle's advice into practice. Yestereve when we talked, it all seemed so simple, but today when it was Martel who faced me and not Mintle, I found myself embarrassed to behave so boldly as I had thought to do. I often wonder at seras such as Anastacia and Charmiam, who seduce men so easily, who wield their womanhood with such skill. I have often envied them that power, and worried that Martel may find me lacking after his previous experiences. But today I found myself simply unable to behave so. It is different in private, but in public ... I think I never will be comfortable with forwardness in public.

Other news of the day ... distressing news ... ser Ewan and Seeker Margaret have separated, and so soon after the completion of their vigil! This is sad news indeed, and in fact I have seen Margaret much in the company lately of ser Twulf, whom I do not trust for reasons I cannot reveal even in these pages. I fear I must speak with her, lest she is trusting him more than she should ... but I do not want to trespass.

January the 30th, and a Tuesday

Today I worked much of the day in my room on the gift for Illiana and Artegal, and on plans for the dance competition, then emerged for some pleasant time with Martel before his sword practice. The sparring went well, with a polite batch of students, by and large ... and then we did adjourn to the open meeting of the Battle Guild where their new charter was being discussed, and where they were inviting all castle guests to give opinion.

The Battle Guild meeting was greatly frustrating, for ser Alexand's ideas do seem very vague, and do also seem largely unsupported by the rest of the guild. I understand him not at all, and did finally leave to avoid speaking too harshly in my frustration. I fear that they will compose a guild that so closely resembles the Duelists that it will confuse the general population, and lessen our own honor and respectability. If they will change their guild, I feel they should do so in a direction of independence and individuality, and not mimic existing guilds.

I then did go to speak with Lord Chamberlain Launfal about the Courtesy Circle, and he has approved our charter! He has advised that I alter the opening a bit before posting it publicly, and so I work on that some little bit this eve before meeting with Martel for our evening together.

January the 31st, and a Wednesday

Watchman Artegal and my sister Illiana did perform their wedding vigil today, and I did host their small celebration afterward in my room. Their love and happiness was a delight to see, and did my heart much good. I gave them the white book of well-wishings which Mintle has been helping me with these past weeks, and they did seem greatly touched by all of these kind thoughts expressed by so many who care for them. And I must admit that I was thrilled that Priestess Nadira was able to send to me her contribution, for I did receive it only hours before I did present the gift to them.

The celebration went well, overall, though there were some problems. Illiana had invited those whom she calls family: Lobo, Katherine, myself and Martel, sera Linnet, Margaret, and Anabeth. Anabeth brought ser Jake, which was not surprising, given that they are betrothed (though I must admit that I understand this not, knowing as I do her stronger feelings for another, and that she proclaims that he has stronger ties to another as well) ... but I was shocked to see that Margaret brought ser Twulf. Her wedding vigil with ser Ewan is only four weeks past, and she now invites another ser to an intimate gathering? And ser Twulf, who has so often made so many seras uncomfortable? And who did in fact send a scroll to Margaret, when she was still with ser Ewan, begging her for "a night in heaven"? I cannot approve of this ... it is yet more proof of how lightly most in this place do seem to give their hearts. It grieves me to feel so toward a friend, but ... is there no constancy in this place?

February the 1st, and a Thursday

I spent much of today playing the question game, first with Faer, Robert, Martel, and a new sera named Bess, and then later with Martel, Sara, and Margaret. Martel asked many questions that puzzled me, not only of myself but of others. A goodly portion of the questions he asked today concerned marriage in some guise or other, and I find myself unable to control my own heart's racing at the thought that he too may be thinking of this. Would he be asking such questions if his interest stemmed only from pressure at others' hands? I know not. But I try to avoid raising my hopes too high, for I am patient and this is no race. Mayhap he does but seek to explore his own feelings on the topic of marriage, for I know not if it is something he even wants for his life, regardless of which sera is concerned.

I then did have a most distressful evening, for I emerged from my room to learn that Martel had participated in an unsanctioned duel with ser Victor this eve, and has been wounded. I knew not if such was against the law, and if Martel was housed in the dungeon, and so I did seek the Armsman most urgently. He informed me that unsanctioned dueling is not illegal, but only runs the risk of earning the displeasure of the Court. Oh, such timing! For tomorrow is the final challenge of the Knight's Quest, and the displeasure of the Court, if they learn of this, may harm Martel's chances of achieving his dream! But at least Martel is not in the dungeon, and has committed no crime, and I must find comfort in that until I can see him again and know for myself how he fares.

February the 2nd, and a Friday

Martel's injury, it seems was not serious ... until this eve's third challenge in the Knight's Quest did aggravate it. We spent the day resting together beside the fireplace in the Refectory, chatting with friends while Martel rested his leg, which he insisted was not seriously injured.

But this eve's challenge for the Knighthood Quest required the contestants to race about the castle looking for clues to a riddle, and Martel limped down corridors and through rooms and up and down stairs for two entire bells before the challenge was ended, with none of the contestants a winner, for none of them had solved a riddle. In this fiasco, Martel lost much blood and wearied him to the point of collapsing. He did not even speak with me when he emerged from the Lord Chamberlain's office in his despair, and asked Armsman Philo to help him to his room.

In my worry for him, and my feelings of rejection that he did not want my help, I sought the support of my sister Illiana, and she did gather a group to play the question game in my room. Lobo stayed for a short while, but Illiana and Mintle and sera Chorus and I stayed much later, and the all-sera version of the game was such a comfort to me ... and had me laughing more than I have in so long ... I will be grateful to them always for helping me so.

February the 3rd, and a Saturday

Today I stayed by Martel's side, after happening upon him in the hallway, feverishly seeking me. I brought him to my room and have layed him in my bed and attempted to treat his wound, which has been much worsened by yestereve's events. He seems weak, and sleeps fitfully, and murmurs in his sleep things which disturb me much ... something about the knights having belittled him during the challenge ... something about one of them saying that if he could not solve the riddle then mayhap he is too stupid to be a knight. If this is what Her Majesty's knights think of as honorable behavior, to so offend one who works so hard to earn their approbation, then they are not worthy to have Martel for a member. Throughout this Knighthood Quest, I have felt that the knights showed little respect for Martel, and if these things he murmurs in his sleep are true, I know not if I shall be able to show more than formal respect to them. Where is honor and courtesy and chivalry in this castle? Is Martel their sole defender?