Courtesy seeks to create a state of natural grace for all or as many who would wish it. It is a way to enoble one's soul, and enoble others. Yet it requires no position of state nor rank of birth to acquire. For it is as natural as the courage of the lion, or the beauty of the dove. Those who would seek to achieve great deeds for Courtesy's sake are rightly regarded as paragons.
Courtesy is indeed an Art, for it must be practiced and committed to one's thoughts and behaviours in much the same way as one would learn to wield a sword, or to dance or sing. It is not an exact Science, but it is an Art founded upon the most universal of Truths: that kindness breeds kindness.
The reason why it must be learned is that its expression changes from land to land, and time to time, with the proclivities of each culture. Those of us who are new to Marrach must learn again what such a term means in this present life. Such specifics will be defined and clarified over time by the Courtesy Circle. And yet, there are always Universals.
The Heart of Courtesy is a life of civility and gentility. It is a life which seeks to engender peace, bliss and fineness, for it reins the strongest passions and sooths the most warlike soul. Yet it also hath the power to warm even the coldest of souls, and ease the mind of those alien by fair welcome. Therefore, Courtesy should be described best as temperate, neither hot nor cold entirely, but lived in balance. It is a heart dedicated to gracious and selfless acts done with honor.
The primary Virtues of Courtesy include showing of sympathy in all its civil forms: hospitality, generosity of spirit, kind affection, friendship and love for one's fellows, mature regard for the greater good, the showing of favor and reward for meritable character or deeds, deference to the honorable needs of others, trust, loyalty, moderation, prudence, modesty, cleanliness of body, mind and habitat, mercy, forgiveness, and humility of soul. For all of these are ethical, and breed the perfection of character to further the civic Weal and also lessen Woe.
After stating this, let us define the Enemies of Courtesy. These are: rudeness and crudity in all its forms, base desires, cruelty, selfishness, jealousy, fickleness, indulgence, willful immaturity, punitive acts or thoughts, mean-spiritedness, umbrage at slights, vengeance and the carrying of grudges and feuds, arbitrary and reckless behavior, disregard to the present state or care of others, or disregard to their past, or dismissal of the future fate or fortune of oneself or one's fellows, blinding-hot rashness or pure coldness of character, or other dark extremes of passion, for these are called all Despite.
These follies and more are to be defended against by the moderation and shield of character: the Heart of Courtesy. And, like a heart, it must be exercised lest it fail from slothfulness. Courtesy is endangered when it becomes ignored, or when it is practiced at best with rote behaviour.
Yet, like a heart, it cannot be extended infinitely lest it burst from straining too hard to accomplish all in one life. It needs to be rested and exercised both in natural harmony. And when one hath achieved this balance, the beauty and joy of the Art shall be disclosed to thee.
A courteous soul shows itself best when there is time for leisure and grows with mindful reflection. It is most challenged when there is time of danger and immediacy of crisis, when the fullness of such civilities and gentilities must be put aside. It is also degraded or destroyed when there is a spirit of scarcity or unwellness, wherein all turn towards their own needs, and away from thoughts of others. Yet when fair Courtesy is maintained even during the most grave of crises, this is oft a form of heroism called by many Chivalry. However, that is a separate matter for a separate time.
For now, let us turn to the mind and acts of those who live in a general condition of civility and gentility.
A courteous mind puts aside darker thoughts and tempers all. It seeks to be enlightened, and to enlighten others. It is a mind at peace, which it seeks to share broadly, much as one may break bread and share drink with others. It seeks to serve others willingly, and with a good heart. Whether these are one's seniors in age or rank, one's peers in age or station, or those who are less in age or position, or less fortunate of condition. To all whom one encounters, the courteous soul is open to learn, and to teach, and to serve gladly.
The Art of Courtesy is complementary to that of Honor, civil Law and wise Counsel, and the seeking of balance from one's inner Faith. It also serves the other Arts, by being the way to appreciate their worth. Indeed, Courtesy serves all Virtues, much as a steward must serve greater lords and ladies. It provides wholesome meal and drink to nourish, fortify and further the Good.
The state of Courtesy only exists as long as the memory of thy present and former acts. And its quality is only as strong as the public or private regard given to such acts by others.
Thoughts of Courtesy do not stand in place of acts. One need shew Courtesy by deed and perform it with clear intent to fully appreciate its subtle and renewing power. A respectful bow, a curtsey, a smile or a fair word are the beginnings of these. And yet though through the simplest acts may be performed, this great Art hath no limits to its expression.
Largesse, the granting of gifts to others and seeking nothing direct in return, is a selfless act of great courtesy. And yet generosity of spirit need not only be material. The sharing of one's time and mindfulness are also forms of generosity which Courtesy treats with glad esteem. It is all part of what one has to offer, and what the reciever needs and values.
For often, according to the merits and measures of Courtesy, can a gold ring from a noble be deemed a pittance if not an insult, or a sponge of water from a beggar a priceless treasure. Therefore, the motives of the granting and the meanings behind such acts must always be considered. And yet, when motives are unclear, the courteous soul accepts them gladly, without suspicion.
Likewise, the shewing of Hospitality, through the serving of food or drink, or the entertainment or provision of leisure to others, is a great way to express courtesy. This is one reason that Bards, Poets, and other Artisans are treated as great displays of Courtesy in many courts. For they enlighten the lives of so many through the joy and reflection on life they bring.
One may also shew great Hospitality by being a gracious guest, thankful of what one has been granted freely, and recognizing its value against the means of what the host has to offer. Just as all Arts are displays of courtesy, the appreciation of them is likewise a way to increase joy and enlightenment of the common weal.
When Courtesy is shewn to thee, it is best to return it with gain to the giver, or let it be passed along to another who would even appreciate it more either in the same or a different form. Like a precious coin, it should be spent where it profiteth the greatest good for all.
And yet, there are limits to Courtesy. Courtesy should not be shewn if there is no reciprocity. For that brings pain to the giver, and causes shame for the society. Though such may not be prevented entirely -- for Courtesy is by its general nature giving and cannot help itself to extend itself willingly to others -- it should be limited when it serves no great value. For otherwise Courtesy can be considered a mock.
Those who have entirely hardened their heart with Despite should be guarded against with strong walls of mind and spirit. Though Courtesy wars to win over such souls, there are those who condemn themselves to be separate from more civil mind and gentle condition.
Like any castle besieged, it is rarely prudent to sally against such powers. For Courtesy does not seek to attack, but to protect. However, be ready to call peace when possible and prudent.
The Art of Courtesy is practical and necessary to live within the Inner Bailey, where the protocols of life are strictly adhered to. For protocol is not law, but is the way to behave properly if one is to be recognized, responded to, and advanced in station and condition. Courtesy is the heart of courtly life. Without heart, one shall surely falter and fail with misery. Therefore, take this up gladly upon desire to seek entrance to the Inner Bailey.
Yet even within the Outer Bailey, those who follow this course shall find themselves well served if they in turn serve Courtesy. For they may find themselves more approachable by good Love, and may find greater Loyalty in their fellows, and may feel great Honor grow amongst all.
If thou shoulds't desire to be a Seeker, or an Awakener, Counselor or Poet in especial, or follow any other Art or Guild or Service, the Art of Courtesy shall serve thee in good stead.
Take these words, which are not mine, but the gifts of those who have taught me over many years, and those which have been passed down through the ages. And yet, if there be any flaw to them, this blame is mine alone, and not due to any blemish of any of my good instructors, nor any fault in the perfect Truth of Courtesy. May they serve thee well, and may thou gladly now serve more perfectly in the furtherance of all Good.
Grammercy to good persons all, and to Her Majesty, long may she reign!
Ser Gareth
Copyright (c) 2001 Peter Corless
Permission to quote or include is granted along with proper attribution to the author.
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